tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92137393821559841812024-03-07T23:57:47.499-08:00Panda Bear's JournalPandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-40751075527355210082010-08-29T11:29:00.000-07:002010-08-29T11:30:27.883-07:00FOLLOWFOLLOWfollow, gotta wait 48 hours for adsense to verify and what not.<br />keep it in the circle.<br />and keep it classy.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-37793103898674221312010-06-10T13:14:00.000-07:002010-06-10T13:38:01.638-07:00Life's A Bitch, and Then You Dieit's true you know.<br />life is a bitch. and then your life ends.<br />fuck your family, fuck your friends.<br />it doesn't matter what you say.<br />it doesn't matter what you do.<br />everyone has their own agenda.<br />everyone is too busy with their life.<br />"But what about Mother Theresa?"<br />fuck her. yeah i said it fuck her.<br />so she helped millions of people. big fucking deal.<br />what'd she get? Recognition in some big award thing.<br />BFD. It's not like she earned salvation from god or any shit.<br />She was awarded some shit and she might be turned into a saint. SO WHAT.<br />she's fucking dead and she won't see her own martyrdom.<br />Life is just a bunch of bullcrap that you go through, and then you're taken away from Earth.<br />It's like a trial version of some product that you have to pay the price for later on.<br />People are gonna cry when you die, but why?<br />That thought has really been running through my mind lately.<br />Maybe your family will mourn, and your few close friends, but so what.<br />It's just a body you take over, and then you're released from it by this so called "God,"<br />Who is supposed to offer guidance and answer prayers and all this other meaningless shit.<br />Honestly, i say "Oh My God" and "Goddamit," and some people would go "Don't say God's name in VAIN!<br />And i go fuck that. Have you ever SEEN GOD right in front of your fucking optic receptors?<br />NO. you've just seen pictures and paintings and stain glass windows of him.<br />Sure, some say he WAS real, but in reality you don't have fucking proof that he was real.<br />i'm too tired and depressed to keep going. fuck this, let's be manatees.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-18712893689636689072009-11-15T21:47:00.000-08:002009-11-15T22:04:48.508-08:00Recap:11/15today=<br />wake up at 9<br />eat.<br />homework.<br />air car.<br />skatepark with tanner and serra kids.<br />gummy worms.<br />peanutbutter sandwhiches.<br />writing a new poem.<br />don't know why. but i feel depressed.<br />that thought is creeping back into my head again.<br />im sorry pantea, but it just does.<br />there's so much shit going on right now.<br />i just can't balance it all.<br />geometry test/air car project/and her.<br />she just adds to the drama and shit going on in my life.<br />but she isn't drama or shit. she's beautiful and pretty<br />and i'm just not worth her time.<br />it's 9/55 on 11/15, and as i'm writing this, im wearing a black beanie.<br />somewhere, in san francisco, someone's dying on the streets<br />from flu, or a cold, or a migraine.<br />and i can't believe i'm ranting on and on and on<br />and writing this stupid poem when all i should be doing<br />is recaping my day.<br />not writing, practically fucking pouring my heart out.<br />i feel exhausted and it's only been three minutes since my last typed word.<br />i feel one day i just might have to commit suicide.<br />my friends wouldn't care.<br />my parents wouldn't care.<br />she might care.<br />but no one else would.<br />would the world miss me?<br />would anyone miss me?<br />would my family miss me?<br />this is all a bunch of bullcrap.<br />life is a bunch of bull crap.<br />and im done. done writing this.<br />done with life.<br />nightynight.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-40904890473031327212009-10-31T00:34:00.000-07:002009-10-31T00:45:25.976-07:00HALLOWEENyou and i.<br />friends for ever.<br />but just that.<br />friends.<br />share the laughs, share the hugs.<br />but never a kiss, never a cuddle.<br />it was made clear tonight.<br />leaving early was the catalyst in this experiment of love, this adventure in romance.<br />we shared one long hug, and i thought that you were going to start crying.<br />i realized then.<br />you wouldn't.<br />i hugged you back, holding on as long as i could.<br />the way my head had fit into yours, we could have been nearly perfect.<br />but we can't.<br />that hug, that one last hug. it finally woke me up.<br />even though i don't dream about you anymore, or fantasize walking at night with you,<br />i know that in my heart, we're only meant to be friends.<br />mahal na mahal kita. 635.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-54258202079323101042009-10-09T17:02:00.001-07:002009-10-09T17:03:30.487-07:00ASDFJKL;ASDFJKL;ASDFJKL;<div style="text-align: center;">HOMEROWHEOMROWHOEMROWRWEOMRHMEOMHWOEMHOMWOEMHOEWMHWOEMHOWEMHWOEHMWEOMHWOEMHOWEHMOWHMEWOHMOWEHMWEOHWE<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT<br />IS THIS CENTERED^?<br />FUCK IF IT'S NOT IM TAKING A 9MM TO THE HEAD.<br /></div></div>PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-31030280572556306182009-10-09T17:00:00.002-07:002009-10-09T17:01:58.647-07:00WHY THE FUCK AM I POSTING SO MUCH SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT<br />BIG CARY BLACK GUY IN THE CAFETERIA WITH A LAZY EYE AND PROBABLY A MENTAL DISORDER:DOES THIS TABLE LOOK CLEAN TO YOU!<br />NO SIR.<br />YEAH I WAS SCARED SHITLESS.<br />YOU'D BE TOO IF HE WAS ALL UP IN YO GRILL.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-46661135056475479032009-10-09T17:00:00.001-07:002009-10-09T17:00:46.561-07:00WHY THE FUCK AM I POSTING SO MUCH SHITPandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-30641364096370514832009-10-09T16:57:00.001-07:002009-10-09T16:58:28.565-07:00WHAT THE FUCK ON A FUCKMY LANGUAGE IS VULGAR EH?<br />AND NO IM NOT CANADIAN.<br />DO I EVEN LOOK CANDANIAN YOU DIPSHITS<br />OH AND THIS POST IS BECAUSE I WAS CHECKING OUT MY POEMS<br />AND THERE WAS AN ALIGN CENTER<br />NEAR THE BOTTOM OF ONE OF MY POEMS<br />SO I JUST FELT TEH NEED TO EXPRESS MYSEF ON THAT TOPIC<br />DON'T SMOKE WEED. IT'LL KILL YA.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-22292409617662486552009-10-09T16:52:00.001-07:002009-10-09T16:54:31.158-07:00HOLY SHITTLE BATMANI HAVEN'T WROTE ANYTHING IN A LONG ASS FUCKING TIME.<br />IM GONNA WRITE SOME SHIT NOW.<br />YAY ROFLROFLROFLROFLORLFORLFORLFORLFORLFOROFLROFRO RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR<br />I HAVE 7 DOLLARS AND I THINK IM GONNA BLOW IT ALL ON GUMYM WORMS.<br />THESE LAST TWO WEEKS HAVE BEEN THE BEST<br />IM GONNA RWITE SHIT NOW<br />SHITSHITSHITHSITHSITHSIHTSIHTSIHTSIHTSITHISHTSIHTIST CRAAAAAAAAP!<br />LET'S GO SKATE BIOTCH<br />MIRANDA CHAN IS AWESOME. DENY IT AND YOU;'LL BE EATEN BY A NARWHAL.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-24631396549648501912009-09-26T19:41:00.001-07:002009-09-26T19:46:49.967-07:00<div style="text-align: left;">CHECK THAT SHIT OUTTT<br /><a target="_top" href="http://element.searchpluswin.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=1017480"><img alt="Search + Win" title="Search + Win" border="0" src="http://prodegebanners.sitegrip.com/images/element-468x60.jpg" /></a><br /></div>PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-33077854110741882962009-09-25T21:50:00.000-07:002009-09-25T22:09:57.034-07:00I LOVE DANI.FUN. GORGEOUS. GREAT SMILE. AND JUST A LITTLE BIT CRAAZY.<br />DANI.<br />SHE'S THE SUN TO MY MOON<br />THE ICE CUBE TO MY FANTA<br />THE SMILE ON MY FACE.<br />SHE PUTS THIS HUGE GRIN ON ME<br />BUT SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO TRY.<br />SHE LAUGHS ABOUT HOW I'M TOO SHORT<br />BUT THAT'S CAUSE SHE WISHES SHE WAS 5 FEET.<br />UHH. THAT'S ALL I GOTT. VOTE FOR DANI FOR MOST AWESOME PERSON.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-8043241512119293632009-09-19T20:49:00.000-07:002009-09-19T20:51:01.401-07:00OH MY FUCKING GOD.OKAY SO I WRITE ALL MY STUFF IN NOTEPAD CAUSE MY NETBOOK DOESN'T HAVE WORD. AND IT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF WHEN I REVIEW MY POEMS OR SHIT ONCE AND THEN POST IT, THEN LOOK OVER A CERTAIN SECTION RANDOMLY AND SEE THAT I MISSPELLED WORDS. SO MY APOLOGIES. STUPID FUCKING NOTEPAD. LATE.PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-90150341350806396552009-09-19T20:23:00.000-07:002009-09-19T20:25:34.541-07:00We Missed Out<div style="text-align: center;">WE MISSED OUT<br />ON SOMETHING<br />SOMETHING THAT COULD'VE BEEN BETTER<br />THAN WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW<br />YOU LIKED ME<br />AND I FELL,SPEECHLESS.<br />I COULDN'T FATHOM, COULDN'T IMAGINE.<br />WHAT YOU SAW IN ME.<br />THIS ASIAN KID THAT PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES.<br />THAT READS MANGA AND TALKS TO HIMSELF TO SOLVE PORBLEMS.<br />WHAT DID YOU SEE IN HIM. WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO HIM.<br />LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME. A CRIPPLED MOTH. IT TOOK TIME.<br />THE FLAME KEPT BECKONING, KEPT RECKONING.<br />STILL THE MOTH LEANED ON IT'S CRUTCHES.<br />WAITING.<br />UNTIL ONE DAY, THE FLAME HAD BEEN TOO MUCH FOR THE MOTH.<br />AND THE MOTH WAS DRAWN.<br />BUT BY THE TIME THE MOTH HAD FLOWN IT'S CRIPPLED WINGS OVER TO THE FLAME,<br />THE FLAME WAS WITHERING OUT. BUT THE MOTH. OH THE BEAUTIFUL MOTH.<br />SHE WAS STILL LOOKING FOR THAT FLAME. THAT BRIGHT SHIING GLOW THAT HAD PULLED AT HER.<br />THE FLAME THAT HAD BECKONED HER.<br />SHE WAITED FOR A LONG TIME.<br />AFTER A WHILE, THE MOTH FLEW AWAY.<br />CONVINCED.<br />THAT THE FLAME WOULD NEVER RETURN.<br />BUT THE FLAME DID. A LITTLE TINY ONE.<br />AND ALTHOUGH THE FLAME DOESN'T LIKE HER THE WAY HE DID BEFORE.<br />HE STILL HOLDS A SOFTSPOT FOR HER.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">a little flicker of light.<br /></div>PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-50510244100567834872009-09-05T19:40:00.000-07:002009-09-05T19:45:20.877-07:00RAIN. FOR SAV.<div style="text-align: center;">rAIN. FOR SAV.<br /><br />I DONT SEE ANYTHING IN THE DECEMBER NIGHT.<br />I STARE OUT THE WINDOW. THE RAIN IS THROWN INTO MY FACE<br />AS IF IT'S SAYING:<br />SCREW YOU AND ALL THAT YOU ARE.<br />YOU HAVE NO CHANCE IN THIS WORLD.<br />EVERYONE LOOKS DOWN ON YOU.<br />I TURN AWAY FROM THE WATER FROM THE HEAVENS.<br />AND THINK ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE UP THERE.<br />BUT IT'S ONLY A FANTASY.<br />I BELONG SOMEWHERE ELSE.<br />I WALK OUTSIDE, BAREFOOTED AND ONLY A SHIRT AND SKINNY JEANS.<br />I WALD DOWN THE STREET.<br />I LET MY UNGUARDED FEET STEP ON ROCKS, PEBBLES.<br />THE COLD FEELS GOOD ON MY SKIN;A NEVERENDING SHOWER.<br />IT SOAKS EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.<br />I LEAVE A TRAIL OF CRIMSON DOWN THE SIDEWALK.<br />I END UP AT THE PLAYGROUND.<br />SLIDES, PLAY STRUCTURES, MONKEY BARS.<br />AND THE SWINGS<br />I SIT IN ONE.<br />BUT THE RAIN. IT'S NOT JUST SPRINKLING.<br />IT'S POURING.<br />AS IF A DAM HAD SUDDENLY BROKE AND RELEASED ALL THE WATER IT COULD EVER HOLD.<br />I SIT IN THE SWING. I LOOK DOWN AT MY BLOODY FEET.<br />PEBBLES JUT OUT OF EVERY CORNER.<br />THE COLD RAIN FEELS GOOD ON MY OPEN WOUNDS;<br />WASHING THEM, CLEANSING THEM.<br />I START TO SHIVER. THE BLUE WORLD STARTS TO SWAY IN FRONT OF ME.<br />I AM SHORT OF BREATH.<br />A SMILE APPEARS ON MY FACE;<br />THE FIRST TIME IN 3 MONTHS.<br />NOT GRINNING AT THE RAIN,<br />NOT AT MY 20/140 VISION.<br />BUT THE FACT THAT NATURE WILL TAKE MY LIFE.<br />EVEN THOUGH I PLANNED TO THE SAME NIGHT.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">RAIN. BEAUTIFUL. WET. A MURDERER.</span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9213739382155984181.post-80707337525583468462009-09-05T13:57:00.000-07:002009-09-05T14:15:57.817-07:00The Boy Whose Head Had Split Open<div style="text-align: center;">SHE WALKS PAST ME.<br />LONG BLACK HAIR FLOWING IN THE OCTOBER WIND.<br />SHE DOESN'T SEE ME;<br />A BOY OF THE SAME HEIGHT.<br />EVERYDAY SHE WALKS RIGHT PAST.<br />DOESN'T TAKE A SINGLE LOOK.<br />MONTHS LATER, SHE'S STILL SWIMMING IN MY HEAD<br />OCCUPYPING ALMOST EVERY CORNER OF MY MIND.<br />AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT.<br />THE FEELINGS I HAVE FOR HER FLOW FREELY, SOON TAKING OVER.<br />BUT SOON I REALIZE THAT I AM IN WAY OVER MY HEAD.<br />NO ONE WOULD EVEN LAY THIER EYES ON ME.<br />I WAS MADE FOR NOTHING. GOD MADE ME CAUSE HE WAS BORED.<br />I DESERVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THIS WORLD.<br />NOTHING SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO ME.<br />I'LL GROW OLD AND ALONE AND DIE ALONE.<br />A BITTER MAN WITH A WALKER<br />AND NUMEROUS BOTTLES OF PILLS.<br />BUT SOON I REALIZE THAT I AM IN WAY OVER MY HEAD.<br />SO FAR IN OVER MY HEAD IN FACT<br />I SOON FALL FLAT ON MY FOREHEAD.<br />MY HEAD SPLIT OPENS<br />AND THE JANITOR IS TOLD TO CLEAN UP THE MESS IN ROOM 636.<br />ONCE INSIDE, THE JANITOR SEES THE MESS THE BOY HAD MADE.<br />ONLY A SMALL POOL OF BLOOD SURROUNDS HIS NECK.<br />THEN THE FEELINGS AND FANTASIES START FLOWING OUT.<br />THE DREAMS OF HOLDING HER HAND.<br />DANCING WITH HER.<br />KISSING HER.<br />AND THE JANITOR,STARTS TO SEE WHAT FEELINGS THE BOY HAD FOR THE GIRL IN THE OCTOBER WIND.<br />AND ON SIGHT SHE STARTS GIGGLING. A LITTLE BIT OF LAUGHTER.<br />UNTIL IT MUTATES INTO A FIT OF GIGGLES<br />INTO A GUFFAW. SHE'S CLUTCHING HER STOMACH BECAUSE IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSSHEFEELSASTHOUGHSHESGONNABURST.<br />HER LAUGHTER FILLS THE WHOLE SCHOOL:<span style="font-weight: bold;">HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">SHE CRIES "<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">OH MY GOD!"</span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">AND SHE LAUGHS THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH.<br />UNTIL HER HEART COULDN'T TAKE IT.<br />SHE TOO HAD DIED IN THE ROOM.<br />BECAUSE THE BOY WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD A CHANCE WITH THE GIRL WITH THE LONG FLOWING BLACK HAIR.<br />THE FUNERAL;NO ONE CAME.<br />BUT THE PRIEST AND HIS ALTAR BOY.<br />WITH NOTHING MORE THAN A QUICK BLESSING.<br />THEY CART OFF THE BOY. THE BOY WHOSE HAD HAD SPLIT OPEN.<br />THEY PUT HIS BODY IN A WOODEN COFFIN. INTO AN OVEN.<br />HE'S CREMATED. HIS ASHES THROWN INTO THE WIND.<span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span class=" on down" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_JustifyCenter" title="Align Center" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 11);ButtonMouseDown(this);"><img src="img/blank.gif" alt="Align Center" class="gl_align_center" border="0" /></span></span><br />THE BOY WHOSE HEAD HAD SPLIT OPEN.<br />HIS FEELINGS LIKE A FLOOD.<br />AND HIS HEAD THE DAM.<br /></div>PandaBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01599865332790816129noreply@blogger.com0